being the real me

The best way to shut me down is to attack my self-image.  The insecure me hides in my shell like a turtle and stays away from people and avoids God.  It turns into a vicious cycle as I am alone with my thoughts about myself...and none of them are good or true.  The more I think about my failures and shortcomings, the worse I feel.  The worse I feel, the more I dwell on the lies about me.  And there is the key word...LIES!

Once again, the lies MUST be replaced with Truth.  The Bible says that I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  The same Psalm (Psalm 139) says that God has laid His hand upon me and that He will guide me and hold me fast wherever I go.  Such love my Father has for me!

Here is my problem.  I see me differently than anyone else does because I am looking from the inside out.  My perception of myself is not accurate.  So I judge myself based on the way people respond to me and I assume that is an accurate reflection of who I am.  But, it isn't.  The responses of other people reflect who they are rather than who I am.  The enemy will use whatever and whomever he can to lie to me and convince me to believe it.

The only One who can tell me who I really am is God.  He wove me together and saw me before anyone else.  He created my inmost being and knit me together.  (Psalm 139 again)  He designed me and created me with purpose and on purpose.  He loves me and calls me His daughter.  That is THE Truth!  Why would I ever strive to be anyone but the real me?

Jesus in the middle

This morning I was contemplating building walls to hide behind.  I ended last week feeling like I was a pinata wearing a target.  I'm a relationship person in every part of my life, personally and professionally.  I strive to be real and I try not to hide behind facades and agendas.  There is no poker face on this girl.  I'm approachable and I'm a fixer so people tend to throw problems at me.  I tend to take things personally, and I over-react.  All of these qualities make me vulnerable to attack.

I'm learning to step back and remember that the things that are thrown at me aren't always about me.  As I considered building walls around my heart, God spoke to me.  He said, "Put Jesus in the middle of your relationships."  Jesus will protect me better than any wall I could ever build.  Jesus in the middle of my relationships allows me to be real and open and transparent.  Jesus in the middle of my relationships allows me to love deeply and give freely.  Jesus in the middle of my relationships allows me to be the real me.  With Jesus in the middle of my relationships, I need not fear being hurt or disappointed.  He will guard my heart and fill it with His love.

THE purpose

I went to my Bible this morning for encouragement.  I was headed toward Philippians 4, but the pages opened to Hebrews 12 and these underlined verses...Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.  Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.  (verses 1-3)  I started writing in my journal and this is what showed up on the pages.  I hope it will encourage you like it did me.

I need to throw off everything that hinders and the sin that entangles.  What are those things for me? I'm sure there are more things that hinder and entangle me, but these are the things that came to mind this morning.

• comparison and feeling insignificant
• listening to lies from the enemy that I allow to make me feel insecure
• looking to people instead of Jesus
• being distracted by my to-do list
• taking things personally
• allowing my brain to think on things that are NOT true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, or praiseworthy (Philippians 4:8...I did get there!)
• withdrawing from God and from people because I fear being hurt or rejected

When I feel alone in the struggle of life, I need to remember that Jesus felt alone in His struggle too.  He even said, "My God, my God, why have You forsaken Me?"  I know in my head that God will never forsake me.  I need to believe it in my heart, say it, and live like it.  Deuteronomy 31:6 says, "Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will NEVER leave you nor forsake you."  It was true for Joshua and it is true for me too!

I have a race to run called life.  God has a purpose and a plan for my life (and yours too).  My race is unlike the race He has planned for anyone else.  The goal of the enemy is to make me give up, to make me stop, to make me quit before I reach the finish line.  My purpose is not just in reaching the finish line.  It is found all along the race course.  The journey of life is a significant part of the purpose.  

When God created people (you can read about it in Genesis), He had one purpose in mind.  That purpose was relationship.  He envisioned us being in relationship with Him and with each other.  My life should be about relationships...with God first, and then with other people.  Yes, heaven is the finish line, but the race is all about relationships!

eternal perspective

The recent passing of my brother in law from earth to heaven made me eternity mindful.  I had the opportunity to talk to him about Jesus and to make sure that I would see him in heaven someday.  Eternity is a concept that only God truly understands.  I don't even pretend to grasp forever in His presence.  But, the idea of eternity with my loving Father God puts the things of this earth into perspective.

The Bible speaks of our troubles on this earth being momentary.  In God's big picture, my hurts, frustrations, and problems are so very small.  The Bible also compares our lives to a vapor.  Our time here on earth is so brief.  And yet, God loves each one of us so very much.  So much that He sent His only Son to earth to redeem us from the curse of sin and death so that we can have a relationship with Him for eternity!  I'm so grateful!

This morning I was talking to God about feeling insignificant.  I have those days like everyone else does.  He said, "Dawn, you may not be doing things that are spectacular in your own eyes, but you are doing things that matter for eternity!  I see and I know, even if no one else does."   And that's enough for me.  I'm going to keep my eyes on Jesus who kept His eyes on the joy set before Him.  And I'm praying that He would give me His eternal perspective.