restore...part 2

The words restore and restoration are in my spirit and on my mind.  They are my God-given words for 2018, and I am convinced God spoke them to me because they bring hope and excitement for the future!  As you know, I'm a words person.  And I love to study words, so I looked up the word restore on dictionary.com.

restore: 1) to bring back into existence, use, or the like; reestablish; to restore order.  2) to bring back to a former original or normal condition, as a building, statue, or painting.  3) to bring back to a state of health, soundness, or vigor.  4) to put back to a former place, or to a former position, rank, etc.  5) to give back, make return or restitution of (anything taken away or lost).  6) to reproduce or reconstruct in the original state.

And I went to my Bible...

Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.  Do not cast me from Your presence or take Your Holy Spirit from me.  RESTORE to me the joy of Your salvation and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me.  Psalm 51:10-12

And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself RESTORE you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast.  1 Peter 5:10

The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want.  He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He RESTORES my soul.  Psalm 23:1-3

God is the God of restoration.  He restores hearts and spirits and relationships.  He restores health and hope and peace.  If you don't believe me, read the book of Job in the Bible.  Job lost everything...family, possessions, health, friends...but God restored it all and more.  God's number one goal is restoration of the relationship between us and Him.  That's why He sent Jesus to the earth as a human...to be the sacrifice for our sins, to bridge the gap between us and God, to make relationship restoration possible!  All we have to do is ask Him to forgive us and receive restoration...what an amazing gift!

2017 has been a year of loss and hard situations, but God showed me that He has been preparing me for restoration.  I imagine myself as a beautiful, antique dresser with layer upon layer of paint covering the wood from my own attempts at restoration.  The last year has been a process of stripping away those layers and letting go of things that I held too tightly.  Once the paint is gone, the dresser can be sanded and stained, RESTORED to its intended condition with the beautiful grain of the wood showing through. There might be scratches and scars visible, but they only add to the character.  The dresser becomes a thing of beauty and functionality, with no question about its purpose.  

My prayer for 2018 is for restoration.  God, restore my spirit and my soul completely to You.  Use me to bring restoration of relationship between You and the people around me.  Restore to me the joy of my salvation and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me.

Let the restoration begin!

in the fire

In the Fire

Uncomfortable and sometimes painful

the fire in my life

I'd avoid it if I could

Cleansing and purifying

burning up the chaff

purging impurities and imperfections

Releasing seeds to grow

hope for the future

refined in the fire

Dawn Karr, 10/5/17

I've heard it said that you can see what is really inside of a person when she is under pressure.  I'm certain the same is true when she is standing in the fire.  I've seen the ugliest parts of me come out in the last several months.  I have to confess that I haven't liked what I've seen myself do and what I've heard come out of my mouth.  It's been snarky, and angry, and short-tempered.

Gold and silver are refined by fire.  The ugly things that are in them are simply brought to the surface and burned up.  What remains is more pure and more beautiful than it was before.  Yes, that is what my heart desires...that God would purify me in this hard time.  But the fire is hot and uncomfortable and it brings out the worst in me.  

God reminded me of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego this morning. They found themselves in the fire after choosing to worship God rather than Nebuchadnezzar's idol.  And a 4th Man joined them!  Few are the friends who are willing to stand with us in the fire, but Jesus always will!  They came out unharmed...and the Bible says they didn't even smell like smoke!  

For you, O God, tested us; You refined us like silver.  You brought us into prison and laid burdens on our backs.  You let men ride over our heads; we went through fire and water, but You brought us to a place of abundance.  Psalm 66:10-12

Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.  When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.  Isaiah 43:1-2

I've made my choice.  I'm going to let the fire do its purifying work in me.  And I pray that when God calls me out, I will come out shining!

grieve with hope

Grief is a hard thing.  There is no formula, no right or wrong way to do it.  Grief is as unique as the people who are going through it.  Every day, people are losing loved ones.  Sadly, goodbyes are a part of living and grief is necessary.

But, the Bible says we can grieve with hope.  Brothers we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men , who have no hope.  We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus, those who have fallen asleep in Him.  (1 Thessalonians 4:13-14) 

John 3:16 says...For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.

My mother-in-law left this earth on Thursday.  We miss her, but we are grieving with hope.  I am confident that she believed in Jesus and I know that she is in heaven right now rejoicing and worshiping God.  She is free from pain and fear and sorrow!  And I am grateful that we can grieve with hope!

restore

My heart was a mess.  Broken from the loss of my furry girl in October, I had made valiant but unsuccessful efforts toward piecing it back together.  Hurt again by several other situations in the weeks to follow, my heart never made a full recovery.  On November 10, my car was rear-ended and declared a total loss by the insurance company.  Not only did I lose the car, I lost money, and time, and sleep.  By the end of this past week, my heart was in worse shape than my car.  Anger, frustration, hurt, and disappointment had taken up residence and wreaked havoc on my heart and my attitude.

Flashback time...two weeks ago my church had a Thanksgiving feast together.  Two members of my church family came to sit with me...Divine appointment.  One of them told me "you are the light!"  The other prayed for me that I would let God's light shine in and through me.  We talked about letting God guard our hearts.  Nothing changed for me that day (I was stubbornly hanging on to my emotions about everything!), but I held on to their words.

Fast forward to yesterday...I finally got tired of my own bad attitude.  I had it with the devil stealing from me.  I was missing out on the joy of my favorite season, and I think that got to me more than anything else. I prayed a short, but desperate prayer, "God help me!  I need to hear from you!"

He whispered one word...restore.  And then a scripture prayer from King David...
Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.  Do not cast me from Your presence or take Your Holy Spirit from me.  Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.  Psalm 51:10-12

I am so grateful for David's example in the Bible.  God called him a man after His own heart, and yet, David was human and he sinned and he needed God to work on his heart.  I prayed David's prayer yesterday.  First as a repentant prayer.  And then many times after to remind me of the precious promises of God in those words.

This morning I awoke with excitement and enthusiasm and joy that I haven't had in months!  God answered my prayer!  He restored my heart and I believe that He will restore the things that have been taken from me too!  I am ready to let the light of Jesus shine through me again!!!

If you need to be restored during this glorious Christmas season, ask God.  He can restore all things!

fight for life

Two months ago, I wrote a blog titled "choose life".  I've realized since then that choosing life is only the first step in a life long process of fighting for life.  We are in a battle, my friends.  A spiritual battle that requires us to be alert, and on guard, and ready to fight.  And this battle is against our enemy, the devil, NOT AGAINST EACH OTHER! 

Be self-controlled and alert.  Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.  1 Peter 5:8

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life and have it to the full.  John 10:10

Why do bad things happen to good people?  Because the devil is seeking opportunity to steal, kill, and destroy.  His ultimate enemy is our Father God and when we choose to serve God, we automatically become a target.  Each of us was created with a God-given purpose and the devil knows it.  The enemy is cunning and deceptive and sneaky, and he walks the earth with the sole intent of stealing and killing and destroying God's people.  The devil knows our weak spots; he is an observant enemy who knows exactly how to shut each of us down and keep us from fulfilling our purposes.

We are easier prey when we are separated and isolated.  The devil does his best to destroy relationships.  God made us for relationship...with Himself and with others...so it makes sense that this would be a prime target.  Without relationships, I would shrivel up and die.  God made me to need Him and to need people.  I need people who will fight for me and I am ready to fight for those who are in my life.  I should be diligently guarding my relationships, but I haven't been.  God forgive me!

Jesus knew the devil's tactics better than anyone, and He warned us.  But, Jesus also gave us a promise..."I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace.  In this world you WILL have trouble.  But take heart!  I HAVE OVERCOME THE WORLD!"  (John 16:33)  Jesus wins!  Jesus in us wins!  We need to stand together and fight the real enemy.  I've been passively allowing the devil to stir up trouble in my own life.  No more!  I'm mad!  Enough stealing and killing and destroying, devil!  I have Jesus on my side and I'm fighting for abundant life!

taking care of my heart

God has been talking to me this week about taking care of my heart...physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  The hard things of life have taken their toll on my heart lately.  It is wounded and battered and bruised.  One of my Impact Church family said to me on Sunday, "Dawn, you've got to guard your heart."  And I've been praying about what that looks like for me.

I went for a run today.  That's good for my heart physically and emotionally and spiritually!  I listen to God best when I run...no distractions except the cracks in the sidewalk.  I asked Him how to guard my heart and He gave me 2 answers:

1.  God said, "Your heart is not defective.  It is fearfully and wonderfully made."  You may be wondering why God didn't answer my question.  Oh, but He did in a way that made me smile!  And He spoke to the physical and emotional well being of my heart. 
I was born with a mitral valve heart murmur and I've spent lots of time with cardiologists.  The heart murmur has never caused physical limitations, but I've always thought of my anatomical heart as defective.
I've been told many times in my life, "You are too sensitive.  You take things too personally.  You wear your heart on your sleeve."  What my heart heard was, "You are defective."  As if openness and honesty and being real are faults.  Yikes!
So, what God said to me makes perfect sense and gave me great joy!  Not only is my heart not defective, it is fearfully and wonderfully made!  💖

2.  God said, "Your heart is already protected.  I provided the protection.  Think about where it is."  God knows me so well!  I immediately pictured the heart surrounded by its own serous membrane to protect it from infection. It is situated between the lungs, and inside the ribs, layers of muscle, and skin.  The heart is situated perfectly protected, and yet blood flows through it.
God said, "Leave your heart in there.  Don't hold it out to people who aren't going to treat it well."  Perfectly protected, but love can still flow through it.  I've spent my whole life trying to figure that out and assuming that the trade off to being open and loving was getting hurt.  I'm so grateful God showed me the truth!

The Bible speaks truth about the heart:
Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.  (Proverbs 4:23)
The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart.  For out of the overflow of his heart, his mouth speaks.  (Luke 6:45)

I could tell from the words coming out of my mouth in the last week that the overflow of my heart was not Jesus.  I pray that God will heal the wounds in my heart.  I pray for my heart to be filled up with Jesus.  I pray that the words out of my mouth would be words of life, love, joy, peace, and encouragement.  If my heart is overflowing with Jesus, Jesus and His love will come out of me. 

My priorities are changing.  I am taking care of my heart again...physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  And I am trusting God to guard it in His perfect way!

give thanks in all circumstances

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Gratitude has been a struggle for me this fall.  The circumstances are overwhelming, and I know many people with much harder circumstances right now.  This morning, my pastor read these verses and then he said again, "THIS IS GOD'S WILL FOR YOU!"  I had a light bulb moment...an aha, if you will.  I must choose to be joyful.  I must choose to pray continually.  I must choose in ALL circumstances to give thanks.

In all circumstances?  Are you serious, God?  Even in grief?  When my car is rear ended and in the shop indefinitely?  When my feelings are hurt?  When the bills keep coming?  When my to-do list is longer than the hours in my days?

His answer is YES!  In all circumstances!  Choose wisely!  I've been struggling all day.  I want to hang on to my feelings of hurt and anger and frustration...even though they make me miserable...and believe the lies that they speak to me.  That even sounds ridiculous to me when I write it.

Jesus said, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world."  (John 16:33)

Jesus knew we would face all kinds of trouble, but he also gave us the answer.  Rejoice always.  Pray continually.  Give thanks in all circumstances.  Forgive and let go of feelings.  This is His will for us and right now I choose obedience.  I choose an attitude of gratitude.  In every situation.

things I learned from my dog

It's been a hard month since we lost our furry girl.  She lived a good, long life...more than 15 years.  We reminisce each day and talk about the things that remind us of KC...sometimes with tears and sometimes with laughter.  She was the heart of our house.  God used her to teach me so many things.

KC was adopted from the Weld County Humane Society 2 years after Joe and I got married.  She was our test child.  Could we handle being parents?  We even named her Kid Canine.  I slept on the floor with her for weeks.  We puppy proofed our house.  She survived and we decided we had passed the test.  She was my middle of the night companion after Christopher was born four years later (and while I was pregnant), and I will always be grateful.

Every day, KC was a living example to me: give enthusiastic greetings, forgive quickly, and hold no grudges.  She lived each day with no regrets, right to the end.  She showed me that sometimes the best thing I can do is simply sit beside someone and quietly love them.  She taught me to love deeply without fearing goodbyes.

I forget the circumstances, but at some point during KC's life, God told me that she would live to be 15.  Even though I wasn't really certain that I had heard from God, I held onto that.  In March of 2016, KC was diagnosed with T cell lymphoma, and her prognosis was uncertain.  She had an obvious growth on the side of her mouth and probably more inside of her.  I am a firm believer that the power of life and death is in the tongue, and I started blessing her with health and telling her that she would live to fulfill the days that were ordained for her.  In April 2017, we noticed that her tumor was gone!  And KC lived to be 15 and a half.  God used this time to remind me #1 that I know His voice and I hear him and #2 that He is faithful and He will fulfill His promise.

I learned more about trusting God during the last months of KC's life.  In July, she somehow got out of our backyard and was trapped between the retaining wall and a barbed wire fence.  God prompted me to look for her, and when she wasn't in any of her usual spots, I called out her name.  She hadn't made any noise for months, and when I heard a grunt/whine from behind our fence, I knew it was her.  It took all 3 of us to rescue her and I knew that angels were around her when she fell because she had no injuries.  I had prayed that God would put angels around her each day...and He answered my prayer.

KC chose life and fought for it as long as she could.  As I sat on the floor with her in the last hours of her life, I wept.  But, I knew it was time to let go of her.  Love made my heart vulnerable, and it broke when we lost her.  Nonetheless, I will keep loving even when loss is inevitable.  I wouldn't live it any differently and I'm moving forward with no regrets!

enough

The last 4 years have been an onion peeling process for me.  As I pursue my relationship with God, He reveals the lies that I have believed about myself for years, layer by layer.  And the best part is that He replaces those lies with the truth...His truth about me!  This is a lifelong journey...exposing the lies, believing the truth, and walking in the truth.  New beliefs.  New thought patterns.  New behavior.  I'm a work in progress and I am so grateful that He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it!  (Philippians 1:6)

This week, God exposed another layer of lies.  I will never be good enough.  What I can do is never enough.  I am not enough.  Lies, lies, lies!  I asked God to show me the situations in my life that the devil used to make me believe those lies.  I was surprised at the memories that came in a torrent.  Many were in relationships.  Some were in job situations.  From childhood to this past week, I can recall times when I believed the lies.  God said release forgiveness into each one and let go.  Ahhh, freedom!

I know I'm not alone in this.  So many of us believe that we are not enough and we will never be good enough and we can never do enough.  I have measured my "enoughness" by the responses of those that I value to me and by comparing myself to those same people.  Talk about setting myself up for failure! 

But, there is hope, my friends!  God says we are more than enough!  He sent Jesus, His only Son, as a sacrifice for our sins because He loves us AND so that we can be more than enough with Him!  (John 3:16)  We are saved from our sin by GRACE, a free gift from God to us!  We don't have to earn His grace!  (Ephesians 2:8)  When we allow Jesus to live in and through us, we measure "more than enough" on God's tape measure every single time! 

God hand-crafted each one of us.  Each of us is unique and fearfully and wonderfully made!  (Psalm 139:14)  We are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in ADVANCE for us to do.  (Ephesians 2:10)  He had a plan and a purpose for each of us, before He even created us!  And with that plan in mind, He lovingly created me and you; weaving into every part of us what we would need to fulfill His plan. 

My friends, I pray that God is giving you deep revelation as you read this.  From the very moment of your creation, God made you MORE THAN ENOUGH for the good works that He has called you to do.  Let that sink into your spirit and then live knowing the truth...YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!

seeing through the eyes of Jesus

Recently, the question was posed to me, "What if you could see yourself the way that you see others?"  The question stuck with me and I've been pondering it.

Many years ago, I prayed that God would help me to see people the way that He sees them.  He answered me in ways that I never would have imagined.  He gave me a deep love for people and eyes that see their gifts and potential.  He gave me eyes that see the best in other people always.

Today, my prayer is similar.  God, give me eyes to see myself the way that You see me.  My human eyes look in the mirror critically and see only flaws.  Those same eyes look inside of me and see my glaring impurities, imperfections, and failures.  But, God sees me through eyes of love and grace.  His eyes see my sin covered by the blood of Jesus...forgiven and forgotten.  His eyes see the person I am becoming rather than the person that I am or the person that I have been.

Jesus looked at people here on earth with those same eyes.  He hung out with the people that society called the worst of the worst.  He saw them with eyes of love and grace and forgiveness...and their lives were changed forever!

That is the desire of my heart!  That I would see others AND myself through the eyes of Jesus!

grief

Grief is not a word I want to live by, but it is a word I want to learn from.  Grief is suffering, distress, and deep sadness over a loss.  Grief is grief, just like sin is sin.  There aren't different sizes or rankings.  It could be the loss of a relationship, or a loved one, or a possession that brings grief.  The situations are varied, but the pain of loss is very much the same.  There is no grief formula or time limitation.  Grief lasts as long as it lasts.  It might look different on different people, but that doesn't mean they are hurting any less or any more.

Here is what I've realized in the past week that my family has been grieving the loss of our Kid Canine (KC).  Some days are better, and some days aren't. Some days the memories bring smiles, and some days they bring tears.  Some days I need to be distracted, and some days I want to talk about her and cry.  Every person grieves differently.  Every day the grief is different.

One of the hardest things for me this week has been the comparisons.  Feeling guilty for being so devastated when there are people around me fighting hard battles, some for their lives.  Comments from people who mean to be consoling, who think they are helping me put my loss in perspective, have put me back in that place of comparison and guilt.  The best things that we can do for a person who is grieving is listen to them and love them right where they are.

My prayer is that this time of grief in my life will make me more compassionate rather than hardhearted.  Quick to listen and love, and careful with my words.  I pray that God will make me into a person who will sit beside the grief stricken, listening and loving, for as long as I am needed.  I know that in all things (even grief) God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose!  (Romans 8:28)  And I know that God is working in my grief for my good!

choose life

This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses.  Now choose life, so that you and your children may live.  Deuteronomy 30:19

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.  John 10:10


Our 15 year old dog is nearing the end of her life and our home has become a dog hospice.  Our goals are keeping her safe and comfortable and fed.  It is exhausting physically and emotionally, but we made a promise to her way back in December of last year.  As long as she continues to choose life, we will also choose life for her. 

Once you have fought for life, there is no turning back.  We fought for the life of our son, whom doctors had told me would never be conceived.  We have survived colon cancer and a heart attack.  I have stood in the darkness of fear and heard the devil whisper his lie...there is only one way out.  I have walked through the darkness with others, speaking words of truth and piercing the darkness with the light and love of Jesus. 

God set before us life and death, and then He gave us the answer...CHOOSE LIFE!  The devil has one goal...to steal and kill and destroy.  He is sneaky and deceptive and he will do whatever it takes to get us off guard.  This is why the Apostle Peter warns us to be self controlled and alert.  Because our enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.  (1 Peter 5:8) 

God's choice for us is life, and not only life but life to the full!  Abundant life!  More than just surviving from day to day.  More than just trying to keep our heads above water.  The life God chooses for us is one of hope and joy and peace and love.  A life of blessing.  Does that seem impossible to you?    It does to me too some days.  The hard things of life can be overwhelming, blinding us to the blessings of God that are right in front of us. 

Look for the blessings and take time to thank God for them!  I guarantee that you will find evidence of God when you seek for Him.  Ask God to help you see the blessings and then stay alert!  Choose life and choose to live it fully!

share your gifts

We have different gifts according to the grace given us.  If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith.  If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.
Romans 12:6-8

God has intentionally given each of us a unique combination of gifts.  He knows the plans that He has for us from the beginning of time.  He knows the people whose life paths will join with our own.  God sees the big picture and He puts inside of us everything we will need to live the life that He has planned for us.  But, God created us for relationship...relationship with Himself and relationship with each other.  We need the gifts in the people around us.  And the people around us need the gifts inside of us.  I need you and you need me.  Simple and amazingly and intentionally planned!

I've spent much of my adult life wanting different gifts.  I so admire the gifts in the people around me because I don't have those gifts.  Somewhere along the path of my life, I got the idea that being Dawn wasn't good enough.  I bought into the devil's deception...how that must have broken God's heart.  But, God is loving and merciful, and as I pursue relationship with Him, He continues to show me that the girl He created me to be is enough.  And the same is true for you...YOU ARE ENOUGH!  If you don't know what gifts God has placed inside of you, ask Him to show you.  They are there and they are perfectly suited for you!

The Apostle Paul wrote to Timothy, "For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you..." (2 Timothy 1:6)  The two best ways for me to fan my gifts into flame are to share them and to be around people who share the same gifts.  Both require relationships...good thing I'm a relationship person!  God created us to need Him and to need each other, desperately.  He will give us people who need our gifts and He will give us people who fan them into flame.  I'm so grateful to have both kinds of people in my life!

Here is my encouragement to you (yes, encouraging is one of the gifts that God gave me!)...discover your gifts and share your gifts!  The world needs you!  That is God's plan and it is a good one!

fighting the funk

I was in a funk last night.  It doesn't take much to get me there when I am tired, and I was beyond tired last night.  So I slept long and hard, but I woke up in the same funk.  I wallowed in it for a while, but then the Holy Spirit spoke, "You are believing lies!"  Indeed I was, and I went looking for truth in my Bible.  

Lie: I am alone.
Truth: The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.  Deuteronomy 31:8

Lie: Nothing I do matters.
Truth: Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward.  It is the Lord Christ you are serving.  Colossians 3:23-24

Lie: No one cares about me.
Truth: The Lord appeared to us in the past saying: I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.  Jeremiah 31:3
Truth: For God so loved the world (DAWN!) that He gave His one and only Son, That whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.  John 3:16

Lie: I am not enough.  I can't do this.
Truth: I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.  And my God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus.  Philippians 4: 13, 19
Truth: The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still.  Exodus 14:14

Lie: I am not needed.
Truth: For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Jeremiah 29:11

Lie: I am a victim of the situation.
Truth: And we know that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.  Romans 8:28

I might be the only person on earth who buys into the lies that the devil whispers in my ear, but I doubt it.  He is a deceiver and there is NO TRUTH in him.  The battle is fierce when you set your heart and mind toward following Jesus and being obedient to Him.  If you are fighting a funk, seek THE Truth!

becoming myself

Or "own your identity".  Or "don't even care if anyone sees me dancing".  It's been the struggle of my last 25 years.  After college, I found myself in a roommate situation that left deep wounds and fibrous scars.  Being Dawn wasn't good enough and I heard it often.  I responded by becoming a chameleon, never rocking the boat by speaking up, trying to avoid inevitable rejection.  I was held captive by the fear of rejection for years.  But I'm done with that!  God has set me free from the myriad of fears that plagued me and I have forgiven the hurts that were inflicted on me.

We are complicated and complex people.  No two of us have the same personalities...even genetically identical twins!  God made us this way: in His image but perfectly unique!  There is no one else exactly like me anywhere!  I've spent way too much time trying to be someone else, trying to fit in.  And the world missed out on some of the gifts God gave me to share.

I have a new theme song...Brand New by Ben Rector.  It's been out for a while, but I just heard it for the first time on Friday.  There are two lines in that song that make me want to sing as loud as I can and dance!  "I feel like for the first time in a long time I am not afraid" and "Don't even care if anyone sees me dancing."

If you are ever around me, you already know the real me.  I am enthusiastic (and loud), loving, encouraging, and considerate.  I love to sing and dance and laugh and hug.  You've seen me, but fear has always been inside holding me back.  Keeping me from living fully.  I'm learning to live in freedom, without the chains that have held me for so long.  I am becoming myself!  

seek peace and pursue it

Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech.  He must turn from evil and do good; he must seek peace and pursue it.
I Peter 3:10-11

Peace I leave with you; My peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.  John 14:27

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Philippians 4:6-7

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace.  And be thankful.  Colossians 3:15

I've been longing for peace.  If you look at the news, it won't take long to see that the world is filled with strife and hatred and fear.  If you looked inside my head and my heart this week, you would see fear and anxiety and striving to "fix" and figure out the things in my life that are weighing on me.  None of it is within my control, but the gears of my brain still churn at night worrying and trying to figure it out.  That doesn't give me peace.  The world certainly isn't going to give me peace.

I have a choice.  (Check out the italicized words in the verses above.  They clearly indicate the necessity of choosing peace.)  I can sit in the rocking chair of worry...using up my energy fretting about my worries but not accomplishing anything except making myself more anxious.  Or I can seek and pursue the only Person who gives peace that is beyond my understanding.  It's a no-brainer...think about the things that cause me fear or think about Jesus, who loves me and gives me divine peace.  And yet, I still find my brain dwelling on everything but Jesus.

When I feel a knot in my stomach, I find myself whispering, "Jesus, I need You.  Jesus, I trust You.  Thank you for working in all things for my good."  (Romans 8:28)  And sometimes that is all I can do.  No eloquent words are needed.  Jesus knows my heart.  I only need to fix my mind and my heart on Him.  When I choose wisely, the peace of God fills me up.  I can't find that peace anywhere but from Jesus and His peace is worth seeking and pursuing!    

 

a little bit of light

I've been running in the early morning darkness most of the summer.  My 1970's era neighborhood does not have enough street lights, in my opinion, but I wear a reflective vest and carry a flashlight.  It's not a ginormous 4 D cell maglite.  It fits nicely in my hand, doesn't weigh much, and has an LED bulb that illuminates the next 3 or 4 steps ahead, but a little bit of light makes a huge difference.

I was thinking about the impact a little bit of light has in the darkness as I ran this morning.  In the natural world, one light house can guide ships safely to the shore.  One candle can light up a room.  A campfire illuminates the entire campsite.  The light from one small flashlight keeps me safely running, even though darkness still surrounds me.

The same is true spiritually.  Jesus said, "I am the light of the world.  Whoever follows Me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."  (John 8:12)  "I have come into the world as a light, so that no one who believes in Me should stay in darkness."  (John 12:46)  We who are Christians have the Light living inside of us and Jesus said we need to let Him shine in the darkness of this world.   "You are the light of the world...let your light shine before men..."  (Matthew 5:14-15)

We are living in a world where the darkness seems overwhelming.  Fear, anxiety, depression, and suicide are rampant and the devil is doing his best to convince us that no amount of light can pierce through the darkness.  It's a lie...don't believe it!  Jesus is THE Light.  Let Him shine in and through you, wherever you are!  A little bit of light brings hope in the darkness!

get used to disappointment

This phrase comes from one of my favorite scenes of "The Princess Bride"...the infamous duel atop the Cliffs of Despair.  I don't like being disappointed (does anyone?) and I've observed many attempts to avoid it among the people around me and I've even tried some of them.  I love having something to look forward to...birthdays, holidays, quality time with family and friends, concerts, and on and on.  I enjoy the anticipation as much or more than the actual event.  (I know...I'm weird, but please stick with me!)  I'm also a planner.  I usually have an idea about how I think things should go.  Rarely, does life follow my plan!

For example, today was a pool day with friends.  All of us have been looking forward to today since we left our last pool day a month ago.  We got to City Park Pool (a fun outside pool) and all was well until the life guards blew their whistles and shouted "every body out, there's poop in the pool!"  So the boys got out and waited for over an hour while the pool staff took care of the "fecal matter" (my son's choice of words).  Not too long after everyone returned to the water, ominous clouds moved overhead.  Thunder and lightening and rain and hail drove us from the pool once more!  This time we moved to an indoor pool for another hour of swimming.  Not quite the relaxing afternoon at the pool that I had envisioned.

I had an attitude choice to make today.  I could choose disappointment and frustration and sadness that things didn't go my way.  Or I could be grateful for some quality time (and sunshine before the storm) with my "just be" friend while we were waiting with the boys.  I chose the second option...in case you were wondering.

Every cell in my body has become convinced of the truth of Romans 8:28, whether things go "my way" or not.  "And we know that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."  I've written about this verse before.  It's one I say to myself more than once a day.  When we love God and respond to His call to fulfill His purpose, He works in ALL things for our good.  Always, always, always.  Even when life doesn't follow MY plan.  Even when I am disappointed.

I will never get used to disappointment.  But, I will feel disappointed now and then.  And when disappointment comes my way, I will remind myself that God is working in ALL things for my good!

the struggle is real

We all have one thing in common...we face challenges every day.  Challenges have as much variation as the people who face them do.  These trials can be life changing or day changing, but we all have them.  Each day we have choices to make as we face our own row of hurdles.  Will we become bitter or better?  Will we stop and stare at the hurdle in front of us, or will we go for it, or will we try to avoid it?  And what if we go for it, but instead of soaring over that hurdle, we fall flat on our faces?  Will we learn in the process of soaring or falling?  

A week and a half ago, the hurdle in front of me was a crack in the sidewalk on my running route.  I fell flat on my face (literally) and as I struggled to stand, discouragement overwhelmed me.  I briefly considered giving up.  Forget this running thing...I quit!  There is no escaping the cracks in the sidewalk in my neighborhood, so the obvious solution (at least in my 5 a.m. logic) is to give up running.  It was so symbolic of life.  We get discouraged and wounded, and we give up.    It's self-preservation.  Our brains think, "I don't want to feel that way, so I'll just quit and I won't ever have to deal with that hurdle again."  

Here is the good news...The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.  (Deuteronomy 31:8)  In the face of any challenge, this is the truth.  We can soar over the hurdles knowing that God goes ahead of us and He will never abandon us.  And what about the times that we are sprawled on the ground and injured?  Deuteronomy 31:8 is still the truth.  God is with me.  He will NEVER leave me or forsake me.  Fear and discouragement can not take over in the presence of God.  

My scrapes and bruises are healing.  My knees will have new scars.  But, I didn't quit running.  I was back at it the next morning.  Same choice in life; I will keep moving forward.  The struggle is real, but Jesus is more than enough!

odd man out

My pastor was teaching about the faith-filled life of Noah last Sunday and he used the phrase "odd man out" to describe Noah.  Something about those words resonated with me and I thought to myself, "I know how that feels."  God called Noah to be THAT PERSON who built an ark (there's something you don't see every day!) in preparation for rain which had never been seen on the earth to that time. I can imagine Noah's friends and neighbors, and probably even his family, shaking their heads as they watched him being obedient to God's call on his life.  Noah was one person who made a huge difference in the world by being faithful to God, but I bet he felt like the odd man out during all those years when the ark was under construction.

I really dislike feeling like the odd man out, but it happens more often than I would like to admit. God has called me to speak words of life and to deeply love the people around me.  Yep, I stick out like a sore thumb.  I often feel like I'm living in a foreign country and I don't speak the language.  I've tried to fit in, and I've failed.  Over and over again, I return to being the Dawn that God created.  The girl who speaks words of love and encouragement and life and doesn't understand sarcasm.  The girl who continues to love even when her feelings get hurt and the fear of rejection looms.

I am THAT PERSON.  You are THAT PERSON if you will choose to be obedient to the call of God on your life.  I choose to be the Dawn that God made and to put to use the gifts that He gave me.  I choose to make a world of difference in my tiny little corner of the world, even if it means that I'm the odd man out.

healing

As I was sprawled on the sidewalk this morning, I thought to myself, "I haven't had a wipeout like this one in ages!"  I got up, checked my injuries, and started walking.  I had to get back home at least. I'd only walked a block or so before I got mad; I really hate it when I'm so uncoordinated!  I looked at my scraped and swollen knees and thought, "There's no blood running down my legs...I'm going for it!"  And the rest of my run was great...faster than I have run yet this summer.  The point is not my lack of coordination or that I run faster when I'm mad.  Now, I have wounds that need to heal.  They need to be cleaned and bandaged and cared for, but they will heal.  And, of course, I started thinking about relationships.  

In this life, we are going to have wounds that need to heal.  It is impossible to be in relationships without some hurts.  Loving makes us vulnerable.  I am not someone who can keep people at arms-length.  I work for deep, meaningful, long-term relationships and wounds are part of that deal.  People are not perfect and we are going to unintentionally hurt each other, even when we try so hard not to.  

The human way to deal with hurts is walking away, ending relationships, or putting up walls and pretending everything is okay. Wounds that aren't cared for don't heal well and sometimes they even get infected.  That isn't God's way.  His way is forgiveness and reconciliation.  He showed us that by sending Jesus, offering forgiveness and relationship to us.  In the end, I will always fight for relationships.  I will forgive.  I will work for resolution and reconciliation.  I will continue to love.  I will heal.

living the dream

I have a friend who responds with this statement whenever I ask how she is.  Maybe she is a bit sarcastic, but her words make me contemplate my own life.  Am I living the dream?

My 30 year high school reunion is next month...I don't even know how that is possible.  It seems like yesterday that I was walking the halls of Loveland High School and dreaming of the future.  17 year old Dawn dreamed of going to college, meeting Prince Charming, and being mom to lots of kids.  22 year old Dawn had a CSU diploma, but was still dreaming of Prince Charming and motherhood.  By this time, the dream had grown.  This Dawn in her 20's had leadership and evangelism experience from her years with Campus Crusade for Christ (Cru now) and she was ready to see the world and make a difference in it!  A few years down the road, the dream had changed slightly.  Younger me was looking for a teaching job, but never planned to make a career out of it.

And now, here I am...living the dream!  Married to my Prince Charming.  Mom to Christopher (and second mom to hundreds of my school kids!).  Teaching biology for more than 20 years...19 in my current job at Liberty Common High School.  Making a difference in the world, my little corner of it anyway.  God has given me the desires of my heart!

47 year old me is still a dreamer!  I still dream of seeing the world and making a difference every where I go.  I dream of writing a book.  I dream of running a marathon.  I dream of learning to play piano.  I have a head full of dreams, but I've been asking God what His dreams are for me.  He has the best plans for me...I never really expected to be where I am now, but God knew exactly what I need!  Until God opens the door to new dreams, I'm going to be faithful where I am.  Loving, teaching, serving, and praying for people in my little part of the world.  Living the dream!

content

The Apostle Paul had contentment figured out.  Right smack in the middle of one of my favorite chapters of the Bible he says, "I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want."  (Philippians 4:12)  Paul's life was not easy after he became a Christian.  He was a traveling missionary, trusting God to provide for his every need.  He was shipwrecked and imprisoned, and yet, he had learned the secret of being content.

You might be asking the same question I did...what was Paul's secret?  It is found in Philippians 4:4-9, 13, and 19.  This chapter is loaded with the secrets to living a contented life and I highly recommend reading it yourself.  I read it almost daily.  Here are the Dawn highlights:

• Rejoice in the Lord always!
• Don't be anxious.
• Pray about EVERYTHING.
• Be grateful!
• Think about what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, praiseworthy.
• Be convinced (like Paul) that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.
• Be convinced (like Paul) that God will meet all my needs!

I have an amazing life, but if I choose poorly, I can fall into discontent.  Life has moments when it is hard and imperfect and even hurtful, but God is always good!  It doesn't matter where I am or what is happening around me, I can always be grateful and talk to God about everything!  I am in charge of my brain and what it thinks on.  I choose to think on God's truth and throw out the lies that the enemy whispers in my ear.  I choose to fix my eyes on Jesus always and live a life of contentment!

the unknown

I'm learning to trust God with the unknown.  I am not omniscient...big surprise there...and my view is very human.  I can see the past and I can see the now, but I cannot see the future.  For much of my life, this has caused fear and anxiety.  My mind would imagine the worst, and I would end up literally paralyzed by fear of the "what-if".  I suppose in a weird way I wanted to be prepared for whatever came my way.  I struggled to control situations that could produce a version of my greatest fear...rejection...in a vain attempt to avoid it.  I was deceived by the enemy who wanted me to live my life immobilized by fear and anxiety rather than living the abundant life that God has for me.

Praise God!  He set me free from the clutches of the enemy!  He set me free from the need to "figure things out" and control situations!  He set me free from fear and anxiety...especially of the unknown!

My Father God is a patient teacher.  Old ways of thinking can be hard to escape, but whenever I feel myself sliding backwards, I say out loud, "God, I trust you with..."  And then I speak the truth found in the Bible.

Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.  Psalm 46:10

For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Jeremiah 29:11

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.  Romans 8:28

I'm learning to embrace the unknown, knowing that God has plans for me that give me hope and a future.  Knowing that God can (and will) work in all things for my good.  Knowing that God is God and He already has things figured out from the beginning of time to the end; there is nothing unknown to Him.  Knowing that my part is to listen to God and be obedient to Him as He leads me on a great adventure into the glorious unknown!

greater love

Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.  John 15:13

For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.  John 3:16

I am overwhelmed by the great love of God for me and for you!  I've been meditating on the events of Holy Week.  The suffering of Jesus emotionally, physically, and spiritually which made it possible for each of us to be reconciled to God.  Jesus was all man and all God, and the Bible says that He experienced every temptation that we will ever face in His short time on this earth.  He knew the torture that would fill every moment of His final week of human life, and in human anguish, He knelt and prayed, "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done."  And then, in an act of obedience to His Father, Jesus rose to face the beginning of the end.

Almost immediately, Jesus was handed over to the religious leaders by one of His closest and most trusted friends.  Judas betrayed Jesus.  Jesus had given everything He had to His disciples: love, time, prayer, wisdom, and much more, and yet, one of them turned his back on Jesus.  Peter denied Him too, out of fear for his own life.  Jesus' human heart must have been broken.

Jesus was interrogated, and mocked, and beaten until He was bloody and close to death.  A crown of thorns was pressed into His head.  He was forced to carry His own cross, but He was so weak that He was unable to do it.

And then the Savior was crucified; nailed to a wooden cross by spikes driven through His wrists and feet.  Excruciating pain.  The cross was raised to a standing position.  Gravity tore at the flesh in Jesus wrists and feet and made it nearly impossible for Him to breathe.  Jesus hung on the cross until after sunset, enduring physical pain and insults, and yet, extending love and forgiveness to the people who surrounded Him there.

Jesus took on the sins of the world for all time, separating Himself from God.  In a final act of love for us, He separated Himself from His loving Father.  And then He placed His spirit into the hands of God and He breathed His last human breath.

It was an act of greater love than I can imagine: love for you and for me and for every person who would ever walk the face of the earth.  Jesus was the perfect sacrifice, and He suffered in ways that we cannot even comprehend so that once and for all our sin would not separate us from God, who created us for relationship with Him.

But, that is not the end; it is only the beginning!  Three days later, Jesus rose from the dead. Resurrection Day!!!  He conquered death, hell, and the grave.  He was victorious once and for all!  He offers that victory to us, if we will receive His gift of love.  The Bible is filled with words of God's love for us!

The only rational response to this tremendous act of love is gratitude.  We must receive it as a gift of grace, offered to us with more love than we can comprehend.  God offers us a relationship with Him, and the only act required of us is a prayer telling Him we receive Jesus' sacrifice of blood that gives forgiveness for our sins and restores our relationship with God.   It is the greatest LOVE ever known!

made for love

God made us for relationship, with Him and with other people.  God made us for love, to be the recipients of His love, to give love back to Him, and to share His love with other people.  He designed us with our own emotions, love being one of them.  The Bible says that God is love.  (I John 4:16)  So simple, but the devil has made love so complicated for us humans.

The devil lies to us about everything, but especially about love and relationships...

• If you love, you will get hurt.
• You are the only one who can protect your heart from being hurt.
• You should only love people who love you back.
• Love is not worth it.
• You are imperfect and not worthy of love.
• You are an inconvenience.  (This is the big lie that the devil used on me...and I believed it.)
• Saying "I love you" is too risky.
• and on and on and on...

Only God's love is unconditional.  He loved us and sent Jesus to earth out of love before we were even born.  We humans are imperfect and our human emotion of love is sometimes fickle.  We hurt each other.  Those wounds are painful and in an effort to protect ourselves, we form tough, fibrous scar tissue over them.  Scar tissue holds us together, but it limits our growth and our ability to love.  We withdraw from really connecting with people, afraid that our scars will be seen, and fearful that our wounds will be torn open again.  

We simply need the love of Jesus.  His love can gently remove the scar tissue layer by layer.  His love can heal the injuries underneath.  I speak from experience.  I am finally allowing the love of Jesus to soften and remove the tough tissue around my heart that has been there "protecting" me for years.  If you are ready for Jesus to love you and heal you, just tell Him.  I promise that He will hear and respond!  I am praying for you!

Truthfully, that scar tissue kept me from what God has called me (and all of us) to do...love.  It kept me from receiving God's perfect love and letting it flow through me to the people around me.  It limited my relationships with God and people since I was always fearful of being hurt and rejected.  And now that the scars and the wounds are healing, I feel like the Grinch whose heart grew three sizes in one day.  My capacity for love is growing.  God is teaching me to be filled by His perfect love, and not to look to people to fill me up.  God is teaching me to love people more like He does...unconditionally and without expectation and extravagantly!

February is the month in which human love is celebrated.  But, every day should be a day to celebrate the best kind of love...God's love!  We were made for love!

know the truth

I've been on a truth seeking journey for several years now.  I've been a Christian since I was 9 years old, but that did not make me resistant to deception.  In fact, there would have been no need for deception if I hadn't been following Jesus and pursuing what He called me to do.  The devil launched fierce artillery at me in the place that he knew I was most vulnerable...relationships...trying to prevent God's will, God's best, for my life.

Shortly after I graduated from college, the deception about who I am began and the devil used a group of "friends" and a job situation to define me.  Long story short, I believed the lies about me that were whispered in my ear.  Since then, I've seen myself with vision that is distorted by deceit.  Lies had become the truth in my mind, coloring my perceptions of myself and the responses of other people to me.

One by one, I began to see through the deceptions.  God has placed people in my life who speak His truth to me.  And He reveals and removes the layers of false beliefs one by one from my spirit and my soul, like peeling off the layers of an onion.  I am a work in progress...another layer revealed just this week...I chose forgiveness...and my merciful Heavenly Father is healing my scars.

I'm on a quest for God's truth!  My Bible is read and reread and many truths are marked.  My spirit is  open to hear from God and my prayer is always, "God, give me eyes to see the truth!"    John 8:32 promises that we will know the truth and the truth will set us free!  That's my heart cry...to know the truth and to be set free!

listen

Listen...a small word with big meaning.  My word for 2017.  The word that God dropped into my spirit for this coming year.  Dictionary.com says this about the word listen...to give attention with the ear; attend closely for the purpose of hearing; to give ear; to pay attention, heed, obey; to wait attentively for a sound.  I have a lot to learn.

God wants all of us to listen to Him.  To wait attentively with the intent of hearing Him.  To pay attention and heed and obey what He speaks to us.  I will confess that I usually come to God with my list of concerns, but I don't take the time to wait quietly to hear what He has to say to me.  My spirit longs to hear Him, and I intend to practice sitting quietly at His feet and listening to His wisdom.  I find it interesting that part of the definition of listen is to obey.  I definitely need some practice on that one, but that is another blog.  I am convinced that if we would take the time to listen to our Father God and then obey Him, we would avoid the frustrations that plague our days.

That being said, it is important for us to realize that God is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to listen to us.  So many of us have felt alone, hopeless, and depressed at some point in our lives.  The enemy lies to us that no one cares and no one will listen and we listen to him and believe the lies. (Another facet of listening...knowing to whom we should listen!  Watch for that in another blog!)  God will listen any time, day or night, and He more than cares...He loves us so much that He sent His only son, Jesus, to the world to bring us back into relationship with Him.

One of the greatest gifts we can give to each other is listening.  Attentively and intentionally listening.  Listening with a goal to hear what is being said with words and what is being said with expressions and actions.  I'm going to be intentional about listening to my family and friends with undivided attention and my mouth closed.  Listening to learn and to love, not listening to respond.

There's a time for speaking and a time for listening.  I'll be doing both this year, but if you need someone to listen, I'd be delighted to!