I made it to the top of Horsetooth Rock yesterday in time to watch the sunrise. It's not a 14er, and thousands of people climb to the top each year, but for this uncoordinated and inexperienced climber it was a big deal! I'd attempted the 5 mile round trip 2 years ago, but I stopped before getting to the top. Fear, frustration, and exhaustion won that day. I'm a stronger girl 2 years later...stronger mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I needed to conquer Horsetooth to prove to myself that I have grown and become stronger and to put some fears and failures to rest. Everything in life has deeper meaning for me, and climbing Horsetooth was no exception. God used yesterday's adventure to remind me of important lessons.
1. What looks impossible is possible one step at a time. I am a big picture, goal oriented person and I tend to get overwhelmed by the details between me and the goal. Yesterday, I literally took one step at a time, looking up occasionally to appreciate God's glorious creation! I'm learning to look for the next step in life too and simply take one step at a time.
2. Friends are a precious gift from God! I already knew that in the core of my being, but God reminded me yesterday how much I need my friends. I am blessed with friends who encourage me and accept me with all my weaknesses. I am blessed with friends who help me navigate the trail ahead and offer a hand when it's needed. I am blessed with friends who understand my need to be tough and independent and will simply walk beside me.
3. When God calls me to do something, there will be doubts and fears and obstacles. The day before we climbed Horsetooth Rock, my head was filled with doubts. You will slow everyone down and frustrate them, you'll never make it, you'll disappoint people, you'll fall and hurt yourself (a very real possibility!), and on and on. Ridiculous! Those doubts and fears are nothing but lies from the enemy who is trying to stop me! I'm learning to replace the lies with God's truth, but the enemy still tries to shut me down. Jesus and I win, always!
4. God will orchestrate everything perfectly if I will stop trying to control things! Yesterday was a perfect example. I took care of my designated responsibilities, but my only expectation was to get myself to the top, The group of friends who showed up was just right! The weather was beautiful and there weren't too many others on the trail. The views were glorious and the sunrise was spectacular! I would not have changed a thing and it was all out of my control! God told me as I watched the sun come up, that He painted the sunrise especially for me! I could not have planned a more perfect morning!
It was a climb for me to remember! A sunrise I will NEVER forget! An amazing morning filled with blessings!
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
Tuesday, June 23, 2015
nothing more than feelings
Christopher and I watched the movie "Inside Out" (Disney Pixar) last week. I loved the way joy, sadness, anger, and fear were personified! It made me think about how I handle and process my emotions. I feel everything deeply, 24/7, and I am very aware of how situations make me feel. God created us with emotions, but sometimes I wish I didn't have them!
This morning, I was feeling sad and I had no idea why. My brain went into problem solving mode...how do I fix this? I can ignore it and hope that it will go away. I can deny feeling sad and shove it down. I can pretend that everything is great and nothing is bothering me. None of those were good options for me, although they seem to work for other people. I have to process and deal with my feelings. I became introspective and discovered 2 causes of my sadness. #1 I still have days that I miss my Grandma terribly. #2 I feel like my summer is being stolen from me by uveitis and surgery.
I went to my Father God and told Him I was feeling sad and why. He reminded me that it is ok to grieve, as long as I grieve with the hope of seeing Grandma again in heaven someday, and I know that I will. God also reminded me of Joel 2:25 which says, "I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten..." If I will only trust Him, God will redeem this time that I see as wasted.
My feelings are real to me, but they aren't always God's truth. I need to give them to Jesus and continue to fill my heart and my mind with truth from the Bible, then my feelings can be exactly what they are...nothing more than feelings.
This morning, I was feeling sad and I had no idea why. My brain went into problem solving mode...how do I fix this? I can ignore it and hope that it will go away. I can deny feeling sad and shove it down. I can pretend that everything is great and nothing is bothering me. None of those were good options for me, although they seem to work for other people. I have to process and deal with my feelings. I became introspective and discovered 2 causes of my sadness. #1 I still have days that I miss my Grandma terribly. #2 I feel like my summer is being stolen from me by uveitis and surgery.
I went to my Father God and told Him I was feeling sad and why. He reminded me that it is ok to grieve, as long as I grieve with the hope of seeing Grandma again in heaven someday, and I know that I will. God also reminded me of Joel 2:25 which says, "I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten..." If I will only trust Him, God will redeem this time that I see as wasted.
My feelings are real to me, but they aren't always God's truth. I need to give them to Jesus and continue to fill my heart and my mind with truth from the Bible, then my feelings can be exactly what they are...nothing more than feelings.
Wednesday, June 17, 2015
light in the darkness
The Bible is filled with verses that call us to be a light in the darkness. (Some of my favorites are Isaiah 60:1-2, Isaiah 58:8,10; Proverbs 4:18. There are so many more!) I love these verses because my name, Dawn, means to begin to become light as the sun rises. That is who I am and who God has called me to be.
During the day on Monday, my left eye became more and more light sensitive. By afternoon, I could not even keep it open outside. My eye doctor diagnosed me with uveitis...inflammation of the iris and the muscles that open and close it to control the amount of light that gets into my eye. By that evening, my eye could only tolerate complete darkness. Even a flashlight caused pain. I was miserable, but it got me thinking about light and darkness.
Fear and depression smother us with darkness, and our world is overwhelmed by them. They separate us from the light and love of God. The devil's goal is to keep us isolated in the dark using fear and depression. Darkness makes me withdraw from people and from God and cower in a corner. If I am covered by fear, I'm not letting the light of Jesus shine on me or through me. I have to take a stand against fear and depression (see the blog titled "all clear of fear!") so I can stay in the glorious light of God's love. When I am living in His light, then I can shine His light in the darkness!
During the day on Monday, my left eye became more and more light sensitive. By afternoon, I could not even keep it open outside. My eye doctor diagnosed me with uveitis...inflammation of the iris and the muscles that open and close it to control the amount of light that gets into my eye. By that evening, my eye could only tolerate complete darkness. Even a flashlight caused pain. I was miserable, but it got me thinking about light and darkness.
Fear and depression smother us with darkness, and our world is overwhelmed by them. They separate us from the light and love of God. The devil's goal is to keep us isolated in the dark using fear and depression. Darkness makes me withdraw from people and from God and cower in a corner. If I am covered by fear, I'm not letting the light of Jesus shine on me or through me. I have to take a stand against fear and depression (see the blog titled "all clear of fear!") so I can stay in the glorious light of God's love. When I am living in His light, then I can shine His light in the darkness!
Saturday, June 13, 2015
comfortable in my skin
"I wish I was comfortable in my skin" was my thought this morning as I dried my hair. I'll be 46 in a few months, and you'd think that I would have that figured out...at least I think I should! My skin has freckles, smile lines (aka wrinkles), and scars...so many scars from surgeries and running wipe outs. None of those things really bother me and I don't even try to hide them. What does bother me is the extra adipose tissue (aka fat) under my skin...just being honest. It's been a lifelong battle for me...one that I'm genetically programmed to be in. Yikes! This isn't going to be a weight loss and fitness blog...it's an issue that's deeper than that for me.
Why can't I look at myself the same way I look at the people that I love? When I think of the people in my heart, I think of their hearts and souls and who they are underneath their skin. I love the people that God made them to be. Why don't I love myself the same way? Why don't I look past my superficial flaws and love the deep girl inside that is fearfully and wonderfully made by God?
I have some choices to make. Stop comparing. Stop letting the numbers on the scale and my clothes define me. Look for the beautiful person inside me, just like I do with anyone else. Be Dawn Marie Karr and let Jesus shine through me. Be comfortable in my own skin!
Sunday, June 7, 2015
all clear of fear!
Today is National Cancer Survivor Day and my pastor asked me to share at church what God has been doing in my life since the cancer adventure. I felt like God was calling me to talk about my battle with fear, especially in the last year and a half. For me, the word cancer equals fear. I remember being terrified when that word was used about me. I dealt with fear even as a small child, not because I had any reason to, but because the devil used it against me.
As an adult, I would be literally paralyzed by fear. I listened to the lies of the enemy, believed them, and let fear take over my mind and my heart. I bought the lies that were whispered in my ear about me, and they lead to fear. I fell for it...the tactics of the enemy effectively shut me down.
I am so grateful for my pastors! They prayed and spoke truth to me! Another pastor friend recommended the book "Victory Over the Darkness" by Neil Anderson. It is filled with scripture; Biblical truth about who I am in Christ. And I realized that it was up to me to fill my mind with truth...God's word from the Bible...every single day so there was no room for the lies. When you know the truth, the lies are obvious and easier to get rid of!
It's a daily choice I make to fill my mind and heart with the truth about who God is and who I am. Every time the enemy lies to me, I go back to the truth. I quickly recognize the symptoms of fear, and I draw near to God and to the truth.
Here are my favorite fight fear scriptures:
Deuteronomy 31:4-6, 7-8
Joshua 1:9
Psalm 27:1, 3; 34:4-5; 46:1-3; 91 the whole chapter
Proverbs 3:25-26
Isaiah 41:10, 13; 43:18-21; 54:14; 58:9, 11; 60:1-2
Jeremiah 17:7-8
Romans 8:28, 31
Philippians 4:6-8
And I will continue to add to this list as I find more!
When I finished speaking this morning, Pastor Stephanie came to me and said, "Do you remember the words that God gave me when you were diagnosed with cancer?" Of course I do...ALL CLEAR. She said, "God says those words again for this situation...all clear of fear! There are no little tentacles of fear left in you! You are all clear of fear!"
Awesome! I don't know what plans God has for me and my family, but I don't need to be anxious. He is in control and His plans are always for my good! I am all clear of fear!
As an adult, I would be literally paralyzed by fear. I listened to the lies of the enemy, believed them, and let fear take over my mind and my heart. I bought the lies that were whispered in my ear about me, and they lead to fear. I fell for it...the tactics of the enemy effectively shut me down.
I am so grateful for my pastors! They prayed and spoke truth to me! Another pastor friend recommended the book "Victory Over the Darkness" by Neil Anderson. It is filled with scripture; Biblical truth about who I am in Christ. And I realized that it was up to me to fill my mind with truth...God's word from the Bible...every single day so there was no room for the lies. When you know the truth, the lies are obvious and easier to get rid of!
It's a daily choice I make to fill my mind and heart with the truth about who God is and who I am. Every time the enemy lies to me, I go back to the truth. I quickly recognize the symptoms of fear, and I draw near to God and to the truth.
Here are my favorite fight fear scriptures:
Deuteronomy 31:4-6, 7-8
Joshua 1:9
Psalm 27:1, 3; 34:4-5; 46:1-3; 91 the whole chapter
Proverbs 3:25-26
Isaiah 41:10, 13; 43:18-21; 54:14; 58:9, 11; 60:1-2
Jeremiah 17:7-8
Romans 8:28, 31
Philippians 4:6-8
And I will continue to add to this list as I find more!
When I finished speaking this morning, Pastor Stephanie came to me and said, "Do you remember the words that God gave me when you were diagnosed with cancer?" Of course I do...ALL CLEAR. She said, "God says those words again for this situation...all clear of fear! There are no little tentacles of fear left in you! You are all clear of fear!"
Awesome! I don't know what plans God has for me and my family, but I don't need to be anxious. He is in control and His plans are always for my good! I am all clear of fear!
Thursday, June 4, 2015
glancing backwards, facing forward
I've been reflecting on the past 4 years. Sunday is National Cancer Survivor Day and my pastor asked me to speak about the things that God has done in my life since my colon cancer adventure. So much to say in a few minutes! Anyway, I've been looking back and listening to God and trying to figure out what of the last 4 years would bless someone listening. I've also been thinking about the value of glancing backwards while I'm moving forward.
Some people are coordinated enough to look behind while still moving the opposite direction. I am not one of them! If I am not giving my full attention to what is in front of me, I run into something or trip and fall. It happens frequently when I'm running and I get distracted. It happens to me in life too. I'll be moving forward and glance back at something and get totally derailed. I find myself getting trapped by the failures of the past and overwhelmed by what is still ahead. But, looking back can be so inspiring. It's good to see where you've been and what you've learned and the things that have been survived...like looking down the trail from the top of a mountain.
The enemy would love to trap us in our pasts. He loves to remind me of my failures and my insecurities and my fears. I have realized that I can't spend too long looking back at the past or the devil will pull me into the pit of despair. I've been there before and it's so easy for me to slide back into that nasty place. I'm well acquainted with the lies that lead me there, but somehow I still fall for them.
The Bolder Boulder taught me a great lesson. I was running a completely unknown course. I had NO idea what was ahead, except the finish line. I never looked behind me; I faced forward and took in the sights and sounds along the way. I had my eyes on the goal...crossing the finish line at Folsom Field...and no obstacles were going to trip me up.
Bottom line...for me anyway...is to keep facing forward. When I do look back it is to glance at the things that made me a survivor, celebrate the victories and lessons learned, express my gratitude to God, and then move forward into the glorious unknown. I know that God has amazing things in my future and I don't want to get stuck in my past!
Some people are coordinated enough to look behind while still moving the opposite direction. I am not one of them! If I am not giving my full attention to what is in front of me, I run into something or trip and fall. It happens frequently when I'm running and I get distracted. It happens to me in life too. I'll be moving forward and glance back at something and get totally derailed. I find myself getting trapped by the failures of the past and overwhelmed by what is still ahead. But, looking back can be so inspiring. It's good to see where you've been and what you've learned and the things that have been survived...like looking down the trail from the top of a mountain.
The enemy would love to trap us in our pasts. He loves to remind me of my failures and my insecurities and my fears. I have realized that I can't spend too long looking back at the past or the devil will pull me into the pit of despair. I've been there before and it's so easy for me to slide back into that nasty place. I'm well acquainted with the lies that lead me there, but somehow I still fall for them.
The Bolder Boulder taught me a great lesson. I was running a completely unknown course. I had NO idea what was ahead, except the finish line. I never looked behind me; I faced forward and took in the sights and sounds along the way. I had my eyes on the goal...crossing the finish line at Folsom Field...and no obstacles were going to trip me up.
Bottom line...for me anyway...is to keep facing forward. When I do look back it is to glance at the things that made me a survivor, celebrate the victories and lessons learned, express my gratitude to God, and then move forward into the glorious unknown. I know that God has amazing things in my future and I don't want to get stuck in my past!
Monday, June 1, 2015
why me?
I read the obituary of a high school friend who lost his battle with cancer and ringing in my ears was the question, "Why me?" Why am I the cancer survivor and so many that I've loved have not survived? If I'm not careful, that question can lead me to "survivor guilt" and questioning my worth. I let those questions run amuck in my mind a year and a half ago and it lead to depression.
Today, I asked that question of God again. Why me, God? I have so much to live for...my precious family, amazing friends, a job that's more than a job...and on and on. There is no question in my mind that I should survive, but doesn't everyone feel that way? I may never know the answer while I'm here on earth, but I do know that God has amazing plans for my life...plans for good and not for calamity to give me a future and a hope! (Jeremiah 29:11) I've learned so much in the last year about my purpose in God's plan and who this girl inside me really is and what she can do.
And I've learned that when I ask the question "why me?" that the devil is happy to fill my head with lies..."It shouldn't have been you" or "You aren't worth it" or "No one would miss you anyway". And I used to believe him, but that was then. This is now...and now I know that I'm a fighter and a survivor...I have purpose and vision! And even if my existence mattered to no one else, I have a God who loves me so much that He sent His son to earth to die for ME, so that He can have a relationship with me now and for eternity.
Sunday is National Cancer Survivor Day and I promise I won't be asking the "why me?" question! I'll be thanking God for life, love, purpose, and abundant blessings!
Today, I asked that question of God again. Why me, God? I have so much to live for...my precious family, amazing friends, a job that's more than a job...and on and on. There is no question in my mind that I should survive, but doesn't everyone feel that way? I may never know the answer while I'm here on earth, but I do know that God has amazing plans for my life...plans for good and not for calamity to give me a future and a hope! (Jeremiah 29:11) I've learned so much in the last year about my purpose in God's plan and who this girl inside me really is and what she can do.
And I've learned that when I ask the question "why me?" that the devil is happy to fill my head with lies..."It shouldn't have been you" or "You aren't worth it" or "No one would miss you anyway". And I used to believe him, but that was then. This is now...and now I know that I'm a fighter and a survivor...I have purpose and vision! And even if my existence mattered to no one else, I have a God who loves me so much that He sent His son to earth to die for ME, so that He can have a relationship with me now and for eternity.
Sunday is National Cancer Survivor Day and I promise I won't be asking the "why me?" question! I'll be thanking God for life, love, purpose, and abundant blessings!
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