Hope

God created us to be filled with hope.  The Bible contains words about hope on practically every page.  Have you ever noticed that hope is the first thing to disappear and the hardest thing to hold on to?  I have to choose every single day...sometimes every single minute...to hold on to my hope.  Last year, I didn't do so well.  I let fear, doubt, discouragement, hurt, and isolation steal my hope and block out the light of Jesus.  Without hope, it is a dark, scary world out there.  The Bible says, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." (Proverbs 13:12)  I have felt heartsick with hopelessness.  I have seen people around me without hope and light.  The hopelessness hole is a hard place to be trapped and difficult to climb out of...I've been there many times!

Thankfully, Jesus came not only to bring eternal life to us, but also to fill us with hope while we are in this life through relationship with Him.  One of the best ways for me to renew my hope is to read verses filled with promises. 

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a future.  (Jeremiah 29:11...one of my all time favorites!)

Be joyful in HOPE, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.  (Romans 12:12)

May the God of HOPE fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with HOPE by the power of the Holy Spirit.  (Romans 15:13...Paul prayed that for the Romans, and I pray it for you!)

Why are you downcast, O my soul?  Why so disturbed within me?  Put your HOPE in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God!  (Psalm 43:5...we have to choose to put our hope in God...it isn't always an easy choice.)

Be strong and take heart all you who HOPE in the Lord!  (Psalm 31:24)

I am choosing to HOPE in the Lord, not in my circumstances or in the situations or people in my life.  I pray that the God of hope will fill us with all joy and peace and that we will OVERFLOW with hope!

Older and wiser

I discovered recently that I mark the passage of time not by the calendar but by school years; quarters and semesters and summers.  Maybe that's why I became a teacher...I couldn't imagine life without my "calendar"!  Getting older is inevitable for all of us, but we have lots of choices to make along the way.  Will we learn as we walk the road of life?  Will we be stronger from the bumps in the road?  Will we let the wipeouts leave scars but make us better people?  Will we continue to learn new skills and be life-long learners? 

I hope I can honestly answer yes to all of those questions.  This past year has been a year of much growth and change for me.  It was uncomfortable, challenging, sad, frustrating, and discouraging at times.  Looking back down the hill that I climbed last year, I can see the joy and the lessons that I've learned.  It has been a good year!  I started piano, guitar, blogging, and running in the past year.  I wouldn't say I'm good at any of them, but I am certainly passionate about all of them! 

I am a living example that you are never too old to learn!  I'm thinking that I will spend this year working on all the new things I started last year, but who knows what new things God will bring into my life?!  It is going to be an AMAZING year!

Choose wisely

I love these words from my favorite scene of "Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade"!  Indy finally reaches the hiding place of the holy grail and finds that there are many cups from which to choose.  The life of his father depends on his choice and the Templar knight who guards the grail warns him to choose wisely.  That's good advice for all of us.  We are bombarded with a gazillion choices every day, and the bottom line is that we can choose our own way or we can choose God's way.  It really is as simple as that.  The hard part for me is knowing God's way...letting His voice be heard over my logic and emotions.  I'm still practicing listening to Him and being obedient...and this is where the rubber meets the road.

I can choose to be hurt and offended or I can choose Jesus.  I can choose to walk into a situation that will bring frustration or I can choose Jesus.  I can choose to walk in fear or I can choose Jesus.  I can choose to panic or I can choose Jesus.  I can choose to try to please people or I can choose Jesus.  I can choose to be overwhelmed and stressed or I can choose Jesus.

I could go on...but you understand my point.  It really is that simple.  As I return to school tomorrow, I choose wisely...I choose Jesus!

Tearing down the wall

I decided last spring that I had enough...enough of my feelings and being hurt.  I took matters into my own hands and put up a wall around my heart.  A brick wall whose stones were marked with incidents from the past school year went up quickly.  I needed a place to hide...my heart and my emotions.  I can picture myself crouching behind the bricks, invisible to the outside world and protected from any flaming arrows that might be shot my way.  I needed a place to keep my feelings hidden so no one would know how my heart hurt.  Did it work?  Not the way I wanted it to work!  I never dealt with any of my emotions.  And I let them pile up until I lost a childhood friend to breast cancer several weeks ago.  I couldn't cry, even though I was very sad.  I realized that I had a problem...a problem that I had created...a wall around my heart that was unsuccessful at keeping hurt out but very good at trapping my feelings inside.  This amazing wall kept poison inside me and kept me from love. 

God started talking to me about my wall.  He showed me that it wasn't even serving the purpose for which I had built it...and it was actually causing more damage rather than protecting me.  He asked me to take it down brick by brick with love and forgiveness.  God showed me that He can protect my heart so much better than I can.  I picture God's protection as a "glory cloud" around my heart.  Love can pass through both ways...especially God's love.  It will deflect the flaming arrows that come flying at me.  It will allow me to love fully...the way God created me to love...without worrying about being hurt.  God reminded me of Psalm 91.  It is so good and one of my favorites and one I want to live by as a new school year starts!

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.  I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in Whom I trust.  Surely He will save you from the fowler's snare and from the deadly pestilence.  He will cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you will find refuge; His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.  You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday.  A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you.  You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked.  If you make the Most High your dwelling-even the Lord, who is my refuge-then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent.  For He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.  You will tread upon the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent.  Because he loves Me, says the Lord, I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges My name.  He will call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him.  With long life will I satisfy him and show him My salvation."
Psalm 91 Amen!

Let It Go...revisited

Yesterday, I lost a childhood friend to cancer.  I know I will see her again in eternity, but there is still sadness.  I haven't cried yet, and that bothered me.  I slid into analysis mode; trying to figure out why I wasn't expressing emotions...and really why I felt so numb.  And I asked God to show me what was going on inside me.  Here is what I discovered.

I spent most of my life "stuffing" my feelings and not dealing with them until something little would happen and cause them to come flooding out.  After my cancer adventure, I decided that I needed to deal with things that were bothering me instead of internalizing.  That usually means talking through things with someone else.  So I did, until this past spring when I chose to stop dealing with the myriad of things that were affecting me.  I have been shoving feelings away thinking to myself, "I'll deal with that later".  But, later doesn't come.

I am a very open person, so my "stuffing" habit might come as a surprise to you.  I am seeking balance...that does not come naturally for me.  It is going to take Divine Intervention!  What is the solution?  Letting things go...but not just to the atmosphere...to God.  Talking through things that bother me with Him, instead of carrying them around until I explode or dumping them on someone else.  Leaving my worries and cares and hurts at the foot of the cross for Jesus to take.  Waiting and listening to Him for directions about anything else I need to do.

Joe asked me earlier what I was doing.  I replied, "Writing and processing".  My blog has become the place that I work through my analyses.  I hope someone else was encouraged by this one.  If not, it was worth the writing for me...I know what I need to do now.  I'm going to Jesus and leaving my burdens with Him.