Moving forward

I am a goal-oriented person.  I love to finish things and cross them off my to-do list.  I love the feeling of accomplishment I get when things are DONE.  Maybe that's why I love running.  There is a goal and an end and I always get there...somehow I always reach home again.  Unfortunately, life is not like running.  It's a years-long journey that sometimes feels like standing still or even moving backwards.

In one of my favorite books, Marshall Ulrich writes about running across America in 56 days at the age of 57.  Toward the end of his journey, all he could think about was putting one foot in front of the other; moving forward toward the goal.  Most days when I am running, I have to think that way for the first 2 miles...just keep moving forward and putting one foot in front of the other.  After 2 miles, I find my groove, pick up my pace, and lengthen my stride.  I feel like I could run forever...maybe because the end is in sight!  The goal is near!

My point is that sometimes the goal seems far-off.  The journey is long, hard, and painful.  Discouragement sets in and slows me down.  I just have to keep moving in the right direction, even if I'm only taking baby steps.  Stopping is not an option!  Little steps in the right direction still count as making progress and growing and learning.  I want to be able to say, "I am fighting the good fight, I am finishing the race, I am keeping the faith!"  (2 Timothy 4:7)

Be thankful!

I found myself in a situation this weekend that pushed me over the edge and into the pit called discouragement.  I spent part of the weekend at the bottom of that stinkin' hole with a heap of frustration and discouragement piled on top of me.  It wasn't really as bad as it sounds, but once I hit the bottom, other stuff came crashing in.

I started climbing out yesterday, and I peered over the edge this morning.  As I caught a glimpse of sunshine and blue sky today, I realized again that the only part of any frustrating and discouraging situation that I can change is ME.  I asked God honestly and truly seeking His answer, "How do I change me?  Discouragement will come at me again...what do I do?"  Quickly and quietly He answered, "Be thankful!"  You would think that I would have thought of that...the girl who wears a bracelet with the word "gratitudes" on it every single day.  I am so thankful that God is patient with me!  I am a slow learner! 

So what am I doing today?  Being obedient, being thankful.  There are so many things toward which I can direct my gratitude.  God is so good to me and my life is filled with blessings!  Maybe this time I will remember!

Jesus is the Way

I saw this quote on the marquis of a church near my house this morning...Jesus said, "I am the Way."  The Bible also quotes Jesus, "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life.  No one comes to the Father except through me."  (John 14:6)   I know and believe that Jesus is the only way to heaven, but sadly, not everyone gets that.  I suspect that knowledge is the goal of the marquis, but my analytical mind and the Holy Spirit took that statement a bit farther this morning.

I started thinking about the other "ways" that Jesus provides for me and for you...

• He is the way out of depression, doubt, and fear!
• He is the way into an abundant life!
• He is the only way that our country is going to survive where we are right now!
• He is the way out of debt!
• He is the way to have true love, joy, peace, contentment, and hope in our lives!
• He is the way for me to see who I really am!
• He is the way to find encouragement when we feel discouraged!
• He is the way that I can keep "running the race set before me" and living a victorious life!
• The list is endless...my God is a BIG God!

Jesus is the way!  Not only in death, but also in life!  He is the way!  Give me Jesus!

Passionate

Passionate: capable of, affected by, or expressing intense feeling; ENTHUSIASTIC, ARDENT

Passionate is a word that I want to describe me...especially the enthusiastic and ardent part!  Yesterday, I fully realized that I am passionate about running.  (I know...delayed realization!)  I was at the vet with our dog, KC, and somehow I even ended up talking with her about running.  Good grief!  I heard someone claim that I can't have a conversation without running being a part of it.  That might actually be true...I guess that would qualify me as passionate!

I started thinking this morning about being passionate in other parts of my life.  What if I put as much time, effort, and thought into other things as I do into running?  Hmmm.  If I stopped settling for good enough and just surviving this life, that might add up to a life that makes a difference; that changes the world.  The list of things that I could be passionate about is endless.  How would I define "world"?  It could be my home...changing my world with Joe and Christopher.  It could be Liberty Common High School...changing the world of my colleagues and students.  It could be in my community, or actually somewhere else in the World. 

The question popped into my head, "What if I was as passionate about Jesus as I am about running?"  This brought more questions.  Would He be part of every conversation I have?  How would that change my worlds?  Would people be as tolerant of me talking about Jesus as they are of me talking about running?  Hmmm. 

I won't be able to do it in my own power and I cannot be passionate about everything. My plan?  To ponder, to follow Jesus, and to relentlessly pursue being passionate in other parts of my life.   I hope you see a difference!

Listen

I am a great talker.  Ask anyone who spends any time with me and they will tell you that I rarely run out of things to say.  Communicating is a top priority for me.  I've also been told that I am a good listener, but I want to become better.  There is always room for improvement!

The best way for me to improve my listening skills is to spend time listening to God.  So often, I go to Him with my list of things I want to talk about.  (I do that with people too!)  I say what I want to say and I leave without giving Him a chance to give me His perspective.  I need to be still and know that He is God.  His knowledge and wisdom are beyond anything that I can imagine or comprehend.  But, He wants to share them with me if I would only sit quietly and hear Him.

I need to practice that with people too.  I purpose in my heart to be quiet and listen to what people are sharing with me, without slipping into problem solving mode.  I want to hear what isn't being said too...to read between the lines, if you will.  I want to listen with my heart to hear the heart of the speaker.  At the same time, I want to be listening to the heart of my Father God, to hear His words of life that might need to be spoken by me. 

This learning is going to take some effort on my part, but it will be well worth it!

Time to heal

I found myself in a situation this week that caused me to reflect on my emotional well being.  Truthfully, I monitor my emotions closely these days.  I haven't always been that way, but in the past several years, I have kept closer tabs on my feelings and what causes them.  And, I try to deal with them as positively and proactively as I can.  I wear my heart on my sleeve.  My feelings are obvious to the world and my heart is easily bruised.  I often feel fragile and I imagine that I appear fragile to the people who spend lots of time with me. 

Anyway, I found myself responding with an "oh well" sort of attitude to an interaction that usually would have caused bruising.  Of course, I had to analyze...why isn't this bothering me?  I discovered that my exposed heart has been buried deeply under many protective layers.  The wounds from this past school year need time and protection to heal.  That's the high price of feeling deeply...deep wounds, pain, and hurt.  (Love and great joy are the benefits...and I've decided it is well worth the cost!)

I am giving myself time to heal.  I am allowing God to touch my deeply buried heart with His love and mercy.  I am blessed to have the gift of time this summer to slow down and recover.  I am intentionally spending time with people who build me up and encourage me and speed the healing process.  At some point, my heart will emerge from its cave.  Meanwhile, I will draw near to God and allow Him to relocate my heart!  

Forgive: Release and Refill

This past school year has been full of emotions.  I thought I had been doing a pretty good job of letting go of them, but, as I slow down for the summer, I'm realizing that I am still carrying an awful lot of baggage.  No wonder I am so tired!  At some point during the last week of school, I flipped the switch to turn off my feelings.  The amount of emotion was overwhelming and I was too tired to deal with it.  I guess it is time to sort through the memories and the feelings that come with them. 

I wrote the first paragraph of this blog entry and I got up from my computer and started reflecting on the year.  My initial plan was to throw some memories on the ground and stomp them into the dust, gently set some aside, and deal with the ones that needed more processing.  But before I could do that, a word whispered into my spirit...forgive.  So I quickly responded and I was amazed at the quiet forgiveness that came from my heart and vocalized itself.  Situations that I hadn't even acknowledged at the time surfaced and I released forgiveness into them.  I am sure there will be more, but for now, I have been obedient.  God's ways are so much better than mine!

At the end of the school year, a friend and fellow teacher asked me, "What are you going to do this summer to get refilled?"  Good question...  It seems like I've been looking for that answer all year.  She suggested that I write a list of things that would fill me up and then do them.  I know that quality time with people will be my top priority...Jesus, Joe and Christopher, my parents, friends who are near and dear to my heart.  Quiet time to read my Bible and a myriad of other books.  Running.  Resting.  I'm not sure what else at this moment...but I am sure that my list will get longer as I refill.

I feel quiet and restful and peaceful.  That was just what I needed to prepare for the summer ahead!