It seems like every time I turn around, I am confronted with another fear. My fears aren't the big things like fearing death or health problems or surgery. My fears are irrational and intangible things like being excluded and forgotten, losing relationships, being hurt. If you know me, you know that my life is all about relationships...I've even been called a "relationship nerd"! (I claim that title proudly, by the way!) Quality time with people is my top priority. I guess it shouldn't come as a surprise to me that my greatest fears are directly correlated to my highest mission. Those fears make me close my heart, draw back into the shadows, and try to protect myself from being hurt.
I asked myself this weekend why all of these fears seem to be surfacing recently. Several answers came to mind. As I seek to be more like Jesus, my human shortcomings become more obvious. My mission field and the impact that I make on the world around me is all through relationships. I truly believe that God has made me and called me to make my mark on the world one person at a time...and that only comes by being in deeper relationships with people. All that being said, of course there would be an attack of fear on my relationships.
I've tried to deal with these fears humanly. I've withdrawn from people I care about. I've stopped communicating or I've communicated too much. I've hidden or I've put myself in the middle of things. (Have I ever mentioned that I am a person of extremes?!) All of it has been done to protect myself from being hurt. Has it worked? Nope! My way isn't the right way!
I John 4:18 says, "There is NO fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." I know of only one place to find PERFECT LOVE! I am so thankful that Jesus loves me with all my fears and flaws! I choose to draw near to Him, where I will always belong, and let His love fill me!
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