Let It Go...revisited

Yesterday, I lost a childhood friend to cancer.  I know I will see her again in eternity, but there is still sadness.  I haven't cried yet, and that bothered me.  I slid into analysis mode; trying to figure out why I wasn't expressing emotions...and really why I felt so numb.  And I asked God to show me what was going on inside me.  Here is what I discovered.

I spent most of my life "stuffing" my feelings and not dealing with them until something little would happen and cause them to come flooding out.  After my cancer adventure, I decided that I needed to deal with things that were bothering me instead of internalizing.  That usually means talking through things with someone else.  So I did, until this past spring when I chose to stop dealing with the myriad of things that were affecting me.  I have been shoving feelings away thinking to myself, "I'll deal with that later".  But, later doesn't come.

I am a very open person, so my "stuffing" habit might come as a surprise to you.  I am seeking balance...that does not come naturally for me.  It is going to take Divine Intervention!  What is the solution?  Letting things go...but not just to the atmosphere...to God.  Talking through things that bother me with Him, instead of carrying them around until I explode or dumping them on someone else.  Leaving my worries and cares and hurts at the foot of the cross for Jesus to take.  Waiting and listening to Him for directions about anything else I need to do.

Joe asked me earlier what I was doing.  I replied, "Writing and processing".  My blog has become the place that I work through my analyses.  I hope someone else was encouraged by this one.  If not, it was worth the writing for me...I know what I need to do now.  I'm going to Jesus and leaving my burdens with Him.