Tearing down the wall

I decided last spring that I had enough...enough of my feelings and being hurt.  I took matters into my own hands and put up a wall around my heart.  A brick wall whose stones were marked with incidents from the past school year went up quickly.  I needed a place to hide...my heart and my emotions.  I can picture myself crouching behind the bricks, invisible to the outside world and protected from any flaming arrows that might be shot my way.  I needed a place to keep my feelings hidden so no one would know how my heart hurt.  Did it work?  Not the way I wanted it to work!  I never dealt with any of my emotions.  And I let them pile up until I lost a childhood friend to breast cancer several weeks ago.  I couldn't cry, even though I was very sad.  I realized that I had a problem...a problem that I had created...a wall around my heart that was unsuccessful at keeping hurt out but very good at trapping my feelings inside.  This amazing wall kept poison inside me and kept me from love. 

God started talking to me about my wall.  He showed me that it wasn't even serving the purpose for which I had built it...and it was actually causing more damage rather than protecting me.  He asked me to take it down brick by brick with love and forgiveness.  God showed me that He can protect my heart so much better than I can.  I picture God's protection as a "glory cloud" around my heart.  Love can pass through both ways...especially God's love.  It will deflect the flaming arrows that come flying at me.  It will allow me to love fully...the way God created me to love...without worrying about being hurt.  God reminded me of Psalm 91.  It is so good and one of my favorites and one I want to live by as a new school year starts!

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.  I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in Whom I trust.  Surely He will save you from the fowler's snare and from the deadly pestilence.  He will cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you will find refuge; His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.  You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday.  A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you.  You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked.  If you make the Most High your dwelling-even the Lord, who is my refuge-then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent.  For He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.  You will tread upon the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent.  Because he loves Me, says the Lord, I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges My name.  He will call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him.  With long life will I satisfy him and show him My salvation."
Psalm 91 Amen!